


lightly salted cockroach chips. delectable.

by melodicMasochist



Series: I think i'm addicted to making pesterlogs [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Davekat Week 2017, Husbands, M/M, Pesterlog, Post-Canon, cockroach chips, late entry, lovely boys, ridiculous husbands, they share a house !!, yum yum - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-16
Updated: 2017-08-16
Packaged: 2018-12-16 06:12:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11822853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/melodicMasochist/pseuds/melodicMasochist
Summary: TG: lmao wait are you looking for bugs to eat under the counters dude





	lightly salted cockroach chips. delectable.

**Author's Note:**

> lov the cronch

TG: hey karkat whats cookin

CG: LITERALLY OR FIGURATIVELY.

TG: either

TG: theyre both fair game i mean

TG: i dunno if youre actually cooking anything or not but

CG: WELL NOT LIKE ACTUALLY COOKING BUT I HAVE BEEN WATCHING UNDERNEATH CABINET EDGES LOOKING FOR PESTS WHICH MIGHT AS WELL JUST BE A FORAGING GAME.

CG: IF YOU GUYS AREN'T GOING TO EAT THEM I DON'T SEE ANY USE IN LETTING THEM GO TO WASTE.

CG: FIGURATIVELY ABSOLUTELY NOTHING GOD WE'RE BORING AROUND HERE.

TG: lmao wait are you looking for bugs to eat under the counters dude

CG: YES.

TG: sick

CG: THE GOOD SICK OR THE BAD SICK.

TG: the gross sick

TG: hey save the cockroaches for me okay

CG: WHAT FOR?

TG: theyre kinda cute

TG: i dont want you to eat them

CG: DAVE THEY ARE THE MEATIEST BUG.

TG: i need to start my paleolithic collection again my first was was destroyed along with my entire fucking planet so

CG: I DON'T CARE. FIND YOUR OWN ROACHES.

TG: i at least want to get a few good sketches and charcoal rubs from em come on

TG: then you can eat them

TG: just

TG: dont let me see it i might actually throw up

CG: WHY? I'VE SEEN YOU EAT FOOD OFF THE FLOOR SO I DON'T REALLY SEE WHAT THE ISSUE IS.

TG: but theyre cockroaches karkat

TG: they transmit disease and dont even taste that good

TG: fucking

TG: stickbugs taste better than cockroaches and for good reason

CG: OKAY I FIRST WANT TO SAY THAT JUST BECAUSE YOU, AS PART OF THE SQUISHIER AND FAR LESS IMMUNE HUMAN RACE, MIGHT GET SICK FROM COCKROACHES, DOESN'T MEAN THAT I DO.

CG: WHATEVER DISEASES THEY MIGHT BE CARRYING AREN'T GOING TO TOUCH ME.

CG: SECOND, YEAH, NO, STICKBUGS ONLY HAVE LIKE, A VERY PARTICULAR TEXTURE GOING FOR THEM.

CG: THE TASTE? SUBPAR.

CG: NUTRITIONALLY LACKING.

CG: I HAVE SAMPLED ALL OF THESE NEW EARTH DELICACIES BY NOW I THINK I KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT DUDE.

TG: so theyre like troll lays chips

TG: crunchy and only for the flavor

TG: let me ask you this, karkat:

TG: do you often find yourself needing a fixin for some good cockroach goodness and tug on your boots and hoodie to go out

TG: hop yourself right over to your local slaveway to purchase that shiny bag of dried cockroaches youve been hankering for

TG: and revel in the crunching and snapping of the first cockroach you pull from the bag and chew with those fucking fangs of yours as the exoskeleton, finely salted and powered, shatters under the force of your jaw

TG: do you

TG: do you ever

CG: NO.

TG: because that sounds to me like a pretty fucking ideal day in the life you know what i mean

CG: WHY WOULD I GO THAT FAR WHEN I CAN GET THE SAME ENJOYMENT FROM JUST SITTING AROUND OUR FILTHY HIVE.

CG: LIKE. I APPRECIATE YOUR ATTENTION TO DETAIL WITH THAT ONE, MAYBE MY MOUTH WATERED A LITTLE, BUT.

CG: THE FACT OF THE MATTER IS THAT I'M LAZY. YOU'RE LAZY.

CG: NOBODY WANTS TO GO OUT AND BUY WHAT THEY CAN GET FOR FREE.

TG: amen honey

CG: I MEAN I DO LIKE SITTING IN THE CART.

CG: SO THERE'S THAT.

TG: running down the refrigerated isles turning on the motion activated lights because theyre off at 2 am when the stores about to close

TG: just being like yeah bitches thats what i thought

TG: turnin off just because noones around DID YOU THINK I WOULDNT SEE THIS ACT OF DEFIANCE

TG: smh

CG: YES. EXACTLY. THESE ARE THE THINGS I APPRECIATE IN LIFE.

CG: AND I THANK YOU FOR INTRODUCING ME TO THEM.

TG: anytime

TG: im always here for sharing knowledge

TG: and extensive knowledge

TG: on... earth things

TG: because thats where im from

CG: YES. NOTED.

CG: LIKE. A LONG TIME AGO. I NOTED THAT.

CG: I HAVE LEARNED A LOT FROM MOVIES TOO THOUGH.

CG: PROBABLY MORE THAN WHAT I'VE LEARNED FROM YOU BECAUSE YOU LIE ABOUT THINGS JUST TO FUCK WITH ME.

TG: not too often

TG: i mean

TG: stickbugs are real

TG: were real?

TG: idk

CG: YOU DON'T GET OUT MUCH DO YOU.

TG: never

TG: im too busy staying at home watching my husband go on mad vacuuming rampages when the carpet gets too dirty

CG: THE VACUUM MAKES A LOT OF NOISE. ANYBODY WOULD BE MAD AND RAMPAGING WHILE USING IT.

CG: YOU CAN'T JUST CALMLY USE SOMETHING THAT SCREAMS AT YOU.

TG: you just cant do it can you

CG: NO. I REFUSE TO NOT SCREAM BACK AT IT.

TG: spring cleaning wouldnt be the same around here without it though

TG: karkat vantas-striders rancorous screeching ringing from the windows and into the valleys as flowers are trying to bloom and shit really brings an atmosphere to the community

TG: good job

CG: THANK YOU.

CG: I DO MY BEST.

TG: well youre really good at it

TG: #1

CG: REALLY? CAN I GET THAT ON A TROPHY?

TG: yes

TG: #1 banshee husband: you

CG: EXCELLENT. I EXPECT IT ON MY DESK WITHIN THE NEXT COUPLE OF WEEKS.

TG: will do sir

TG: so

TG: may i join you in the kitchen

CG: YEAH? I'M NOT GOING TO RESTRICT YOUR ACCESS TO PARTS OF YOUR OWN HIVE, DAVE.

TG: just checking

TG: you might have wanted some privacy for bug huntin i dunno

TG: thought maybe having such a great dude as myself in the room would be too distracting

CG: YOU ARE A PEST. IT WOULD JUST MEAN MY HUNT IS OVER.

TG: i see

TG: have i become among the ranks of your delectable cockroach chips now is that it

CG: SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

CG: I MEAN I GUESS THE COMMON FACTOR IS THAT I'VE PUT MY MOUTH ON YOU BEFORE.

CG: DELECTABLE? THAT'S DEBATABLE.

TG: oh and now youre sitting here  _roasting my ass?_

TG: t minus 30 seconds till youre in for an ambush

CG: IS IT AN AMBUSH IF YOU ANNOUNCED IT TO ME?

TG: yes shh

CG: OKAY, IF YOU SAY SO.

TG: <3

CG: <3

**Author's Note:**

> cronch cronch


End file.
